Sunday, October 19, 2008

Mom Mom is moving Where?!?

My mother in law is moving in with us!! Since I'm not real good with emoticons yet I'll just have to come out and tell you that I'm a little upset and kind of freaked out.

Being a grown woman who has her own way of organizing a spice rack, I don't want someone to be looking over my shoulder saying things like, "Why do you put to cream of tartar on the top shelf when you never use it?" She also rearranges the medicine cabinet every time she uses the bathroom. I swear she does it to try and trick me into brushing my teeth with Dale's foot cream. I know I'm supposed to feel good about my hubby because he has a close relationship with his mother, but to tell the truth, it kind of freaks me out. Sometimes when they're on the couch watching tv together he'll put his legs across her lap so she can scratch them. This goes on for hours. Like all the way through Die Hard One and half way through Die Hard Two.

Fortunately for me, I've got my California Underground Gold Miners to keep me sane!!!! Johon (pronounced Yo-Han I'm told!) says, "Underground mining, more than anything I know, tests all of man's capabilities and powers. It requires a combination of brute strength and intelligence, of instinct and knowledge, each as important as the other. It is this paradox which gives us our passion for working underground and which lures us back day after day like the song of the siren."


Talk about a tripple threat, moustache, blue eyes, and sexy glasses!! I wish I was a siren capable of luring him into my underground cave!

President Pro Tem,
Margaret Fisk

Monday, October 13, 2008

It's the Economy Dum Dum!!

As everyone who shares a work fridge knows, when the economy gets bad, people start stealing your snacks!!!! It's True!! You underground gold miner lovers out there who don't share kitchen facilities at your office might think I'm crazy or miscounting my cookies, but I swear I'm 100% serious.

Every day when I pack my lunch I also pack snacks to get me through the mid morning, mid afternoon, and that home stretch at the end of the day. In one plastic bag I put a chocolate chocolate chip granola bar for a healthy morning snack, in bag #2 I put a Ding Dong or Ho Ho for a lunch desert, and in bag #3 I put five chocolate chip cookies as a treat for not eating anything from the snack machine before 3:00. (I also have three cup o' noodles in my file cabinet just in case I need that extra boost and don't have any change for the snack machine.)

For the last week or so, when I go to get my cookie snack, there has been between one and three cookies missing. I have put up signs and told my boss but nothing seems to stop this cookie thief. Doug says I should make some cookies with ExLax in them to teach the guilty person a lesson, but making it so that someone gets paid to poop at work doesn't seem like a punishment to me.

I just hope this economy gets better so I can do my work without keeping one eye on the fridge. Especially since people are talking about layoffs. The last thing I need is to have to go on job interviews. Especially since we got closet moths and all my good dresses are full of holes. What was God thinking when he invented those little guys? How is that design intelligent?

On the opposite side of the spectrum from the moths would be one of God's most magnificent creations; a hot underground gold miner named Chuck. "While the mines of Alleghany are classic examples of drift mines, exploration by the successful operator has not been aimless. With the exception of LUCK - a great aid to any mining venture - a purposeful direction and goal are the main ingredients separating the winners and losers. Those who succeed in winning nature's gold have maintained a firm hand in steering their courses."


Keep steering your courses toward those hot bodied underground gold miners!!
Margaret Fisk
President Pro Tem

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Everything's Okay!!

Doug and I sat down to have a long heart to heart about just what in the world was going on with our marriage. No sooner had we pulled out the "peace walnut" when our little pow wow was interrupted by the unmistakable stench of an open sewer. (for those of you who don't watch Dr. Laura, a peace walnut is a walnut with eyes and a hat that you pass back and forth while you're having a disagreement, and whoever is holding it gets to talk without being interrupted.) We grabbed flashlights and ran outside to find that our septic pump had basically blown up. With the top of the fifty gallon sludge barrel sheared off, we were left with an overflowing open sewer.

Dale ran back to the house to call the "turd herders." I was about to follow him when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. The poo lake seemed to be bobbing up and down. I took a step closer and my heart stopped; Rita Hayworth was in the barrel!!!! I screamed for Dale who ran to my rescue. I pointed into the barrel crying and he asked what was wrong. The only thing I could do was to yell out RITA!! He got the message loud and clear. That brave husband didn't even hesitate, he plunged his arm in right up to the pit and hauled Rita out by her collar. (The leopard print one we bought her at at The Dollar Store.)

That man of mine saved our little baby, who probably got out becasue I forgot to lock her pen up after I fed her. He didn't blame me at all. He just scrubbed that little sheepdog clean while I watched from the kitchen window. I ask you, how could a man like that possibly be guilty of the things I was ready to accuse him of?

I know you guys don't tune in to hear about my husband though. I know you want the scoop on Ian, who works as an underground foreman. "Underground Miners have it all...everyday. Reality returns our stares into the dark and unknown. The rocks talk back to you. All you need to do is keep and open mind and listen...and work like hell!" I have to be honest here, I'm not sure what Ian means by that. It kind of creeps me out. But there's nothing creepy about that sexy moustache!!


I'll be back next week with another hot hot shirtless underground gold miner,
Margaret Fisk
President Pro Tem

Monday, September 29, 2008

I AM FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The photo below is one I found on Dale's camera phone. He claims to have no knowledge of where it came from, but I find that hard to believe. It was just last week that he disappeared for three whole days. He says he told me he was going fishing with his friend Greg, but I swear to God he never said anything about it.

Who could this woman be? Does anyone recognize her? I'm guessing she's Irish and about 25, but I know for sure her breasts are larger than mine and that Dale has a thing for those. I AM FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I wish I knew for sure what kind of relationship he had with this woman. Did he just think her shirt was funny and decided to take a photo of it, or has he been dating her for the past several months or years?

Here's a photo of a gold miner. His name is Clyde. He probably has never given his wife a reason to even suspect him of cheating. "Many power sources are used in the mine to break and move the mined rock: Electric, pneumatic, diesel, water, battery and explosives. Manpower, however, is the most important and ultimate energy source in our underground mine."


Margaret Fisk
President Pro Tem

Sunday, September 21, 2008

May had to come sometime

Sorry about this one ladies. I almost skipped May because honestly, I find Tom to be the most unsexy underground gold miner of the year. I guess he's all right if you're into much older men, but he kind of reminds me of my grandpa Steve who has dementia. I guess it also depresses me a little to think about how even gold miners get old, which always make me think about I'm getting old and how I've also gained a lot of weight over the past year. Fortunately for me, I never have to worry about not realizing I've gotten too fat, because once I get a little pudgy, Dale starts asking me to change my clothes in the bathroom. Since he's out of town on business I've been walking around the house naked eating ice cream just to prove this is one woman who can't be told what to do!!

Even though he must be days from retirement, this month's miner is still a real sharp cookie, unlike my grandpa who can't remember his name and writes on the bathroom wall with poo. "Every task underground demands a sharp mind, including loading the cars from a chute. Every miner knows at least one story about 'the fool killer'. In our mine, a powerful but natural force permeates the workings. It's called Mother Nature."


again for this old guy in the picture, I promise more underground beefcake next month.

Presiden Pro Tem,
Margaret Fisk

Thursday, September 11, 2008

A Little Taste of Germany!

OMG!!!! I just got back from a funeral in Denver and I had the greatest time. My cousin Cheryl and I ended up at a real live gay bar!! It was totally on accident. We just stopped in to use the bathroom, but when the bar tenders are wearing nothing but underwear what's a girl to do but have six or seven Jack and Cokes!! Being surrounded by buff stud muffins made me feel like a real woman. I just wish Dale could have been there to watch me drink Tequilla out of Javier's belly button. (The only reason I did it, besides the fact that I wanted to put my lips on his rippling abs, is becasue I was so mad that Dale wouldn't come to the funeral because he had some dumb fantasy football party to host. I'm still mad about that.)

After a couple hours I spent most of the money from my Christmas account. (who ever heard of a $12 beer? I guess it's a gay thing I whouldn't understand) The strobe lights, fog, and that same dance song they had been playing over and over again for nearly two hours started to get on my nerves, so I went out onto the patio to clear my head. Imagine my surprise when I found out there was a pool out there along with a gaggle of lesbians. I hung out there for a while hoping someone might notice lil' ole' me. ( Not that I wanted to go to that party, but you know how it's always nice to get an invite.) None of them gave me a second glance, not even the ugly ones, which was most of them. I sat down next to the pool and cried for a minute, and when I really got going I vomited in the pool. I guess I didn't actually have that good of a time now that I think of it.

Either way, those hairless Adonis' dancing in the cages couldn't compare to the raw sexiness of a real live underground gold miner like Klaus.


He says, "I love the intensity and challenge of working underground. Every day I am pushed to the limit mentally and physically. It's a tough job, but it is very exciting to blow a round and clear a few more of tunnel. Nothing, however, compares to the thrill of finding pure gold ore down under." I can't imagine how exciting it must be to blow a round down under. Can you?

Until next week, meeting adjourned.

Margaret Fist
President Pro Tem

PS. if you have a minute, please say a prayer for my dead grandma Trudi. She was a great woman and her funeral was sparsely attended.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Check Out the Hose on This Miner!

The fair is in town this weekend!! Me and the girls are going to get swanky and see if we can't raise a little heck. Last year we ate/drank a goodly amount of fried marguritas. Rochelle ended up getting sick all over the foot massagers and Lacy and I managed to get backstage at the Greg Khin Band's concert (but that's a story I'm taking to the grave!!!! I don't want my love in jeopardy!! not that my husband Dale ever reads any of my blogs:.(

This week's underground hottie is named Jason. He works down at the bottom of the Sixteen to One as a Miner/Slusher. I'm not sure what a slusher is, but I'm not ashamed to say that just looking at this picture makes me a little slushy inside!

Jason says, "I like working underground in the mine. While there's variety in the work, it's always about the same temperature. I never have to think how to dress."

YEAH! If anyone talks to Jason, let him know he won't have to think about what to wear when he comes to my house either! Cause no matter how cold it gets, I can keep him warm!!

Your Humble President Pro Tem
Margaret Fisk