Sunday, October 19, 2008
Being a grown woman who has her own way of organizing a spice rack, I don't want someone to be looking over my shoulder saying things like, "Why do you put to cream of tartar on the top shelf when you never use it?" She also rearranges the medicine cabinet every time she uses the bathroom. I swear she does it to try and trick me into brushing my teeth with Dale's foot cream. I know I'm supposed to feel good about my hubby because he has a close relationship with his mother, but to tell the truth, it kind of freaks me out. Sometimes when they're on the couch watching tv together he'll put his legs across her lap so she can scratch them. This goes on for hours. Like all the way through Die Hard One and half way through Die Hard Two.
Fortunately for me, I've got my California Underground Gold Miners to keep me sane!!!! Johon (pronounced Yo-Han I'm told!) says, "Underground mining, more than anything I know, tests all of man's capabilities and powers. It requires a combination of brute strength and intelligence, of instinct and knowledge, each as important as the other. It is this paradox which gives us our passion for working underground and which lures us back day after day like the song of the siren."
Talk about a tripple threat, moustache, blue eyes, and sexy glasses!! I wish I was a siren capable of luring him into my underground cave!
President Pro Tem,
Monday, October 13, 2008
Every day when I pack my lunch I also pack snacks to get me through the mid morning, mid afternoon, and that home stretch at the end of the day. In one plastic bag I put a chocolate chocolate chip granola bar for a healthy morning snack, in bag #2 I put a Ding Dong or Ho Ho for a lunch desert, and in bag #3 I put five chocolate chip cookies as a treat for not eating anything from the snack machine before 3:00. (I also have three cup o' noodles in my file cabinet just in case I need that extra boost and don't have any change for the snack machine.)
For the last week or so, when I go to get my cookie snack, there has been between one and three cookies missing. I have put up signs and told my boss but nothing seems to stop this cookie thief. Doug says I should make some cookies with ExLax in them to teach the guilty person a lesson, but making it so that someone gets paid to poop at work doesn't seem like a punishment to me.
I just hope this economy gets better so I can do my work without keeping one eye on the fridge. Especially since people are talking about layoffs. The last thing I need is to have to go on job interviews. Especially since we got closet moths and all my good dresses are full of holes. What was God thinking when he invented those little guys? How is that design intelligent?
On the opposite side of the spectrum from the moths would be one of God's most magnificent creations; a hot underground gold miner named Chuck. "While the mines of Alleghany are classic examples of drift mines, exploration by the successful operator has not been aimless. With the exception of LUCK - a great aid to any mining venture - a purposeful direction and goal are the main ingredients separating the winners and losers. Those who succeed in winning nature's gold have maintained a firm hand in steering their courses."
Keep steering your courses toward those hot bodied underground gold miners!!
President Pro Tem
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Dale ran back to the house to call the "turd herders." I was about to follow him when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. The poo lake seemed to be bobbing up and down. I took a step closer and my heart stopped; Rita Hayworth was in the barrel!!!! I screamed for Dale who ran to my rescue. I pointed into the barrel crying and he asked what was wrong. The only thing I could do was to yell out RITA!! He got the message loud and clear. That brave husband didn't even hesitate, he plunged his arm in right up to the pit and hauled Rita out by her collar. (The leopard print one we bought her at at The Dollar Store.)
That man of mine saved our little baby, who probably got out becasue I forgot to lock her pen up after I fed her. He didn't blame me at all. He just scrubbed that little sheepdog clean while I watched from the kitchen window. I ask you, how could a man like that possibly be guilty of the things I was ready to accuse him of?
I know you guys don't tune in to hear about my husband though. I know you want the scoop on Ian, who works as an underground foreman. "Underground Miners have it all...everyday. Reality returns our stares into the dark and unknown. The rocks talk back to you. All you need to do is keep and open mind and listen...and work like hell!" I have to be honest here, I'm not sure what Ian means by that. It kind of creeps me out. But there's nothing creepy about that sexy moustache!!
I'll be back next week with another hot hot shirtless underground gold miner,
President Pro Tem
Monday, September 29, 2008
Who could this woman be? Does anyone recognize her? I'm guessing she's Irish and about 25, but I know for sure her breasts are larger than mine and that Dale has a thing for those. I AM FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!! I wish I knew for sure what kind of relationship he had with this woman. Did he just think her shirt was funny and decided to take a photo of it, or has he been dating her for the past several months or years?
Here's a photo of a gold miner. His name is Clyde. He probably has never given his wife a reason to even suspect him of cheating. "Many power sources are used in the mine to break and move the mined rock: Electric, pneumatic, diesel, water, battery and explosives. Manpower, however, is the most important and ultimate energy source in our underground mine."
President Pro Tem
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Even though he must be days from retirement, this month's miner is still a real sharp cookie, unlike my grandpa who can't remember his name and writes on the bathroom wall with poo. "Every task underground demands a sharp mind, including loading the cars from a chute. Every miner knows at least one story about 'the fool killer'. In our mine, a powerful but natural force permeates the workings. It's called Mother Nature."
Sorry again for this old guy in the picture, I promise more underground beefcake next month.
Presiden Pro Tem,
Thursday, September 11, 2008
After a couple hours I spent most of the money from my Christmas account. (who ever heard of a $12 beer? I guess it's a gay thing I whouldn't understand) The strobe lights, fog, and that same dance song they had been playing over and over again for nearly two hours started to get on my nerves, so I went out onto the patio to clear my head. Imagine my surprise when I found out there was a pool out there along with a gaggle of lesbians. I hung out there for a while hoping someone might notice lil' ole' me. ( Not that I wanted to go to that party, but you know how it's always nice to get an invite.) None of them gave me a second glance, not even the ugly ones, which was most of them. I sat down next to the pool and cried for a minute, and when I really got going I vomited in the pool. I guess I didn't actually have that good of a time now that I think of it.
Either way, those hairless Adonis' dancing in the cages couldn't compare to the raw sexiness of a real live underground gold miner like Klaus.
He says, "I love the intensity and challenge of working underground. Every day I am pushed to the limit mentally and physically. It's a tough job, but it is very exciting to blow a round and clear a few more of tunnel. Nothing, however, compares to the thrill of finding pure gold ore down under." I can't imagine how exciting it must be to blow a round down under. Can you?
Until next week, meeting adjourned.
President Pro Tem
PS. if you have a minute, please say a prayer for my dead grandma Trudi. She was a great woman and her funeral was sparsely attended.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
This week's underground hottie is named Jason. He works down at the bottom of the Sixteen to One as a Miner/Slusher. I'm not sure what a slusher is, but I'm not ashamed to say that just looking at this picture makes me a little slushy inside!
Jason says, "I like working underground in the mine. While there's variety in the work, it's always about the same temperature. I never have to think how to dress."
YEAH! If anyone talks to Jason, let him know he won't have to think about what to wear when he comes to my house either! Cause no matter how cold it gets, I can keep him warm!!
Your Humble President Pro Tem
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
But enough about my fantasy life, let's get down to the business of checking out some real live hot hot moustache action on this month's miner Butch!! He's also a real tool head, as evidenced by this quote direct from the lips perched under that exquisite lip cozy. "Men and machines work together to move the muck (broken rock) away from the face of solid rock. This pneumatic shovel, called a 'mucking machine', will fill a one ton car in seconds."
I don't know this for a fact, but my guess is that the government forced Butch into a career underground to keep us "topsiders" from running into him and forgetting all about our silly wedding vows we made, at the grange hall, twenty years ago.
Until next week, keep the mine in your mind and try not to dwell to long on Butch's Behind!!!!!
Fan Club President Pro Tem
Friday, August 29, 2008
Happy Monday Underground Gold Miners Fans! Please find attached a photo of Mr. January. His name is Ernie and he’s a Lead Miner/Driller. When asked about his job, Ernie had the following to say, “Even in a great legend of a mine like the Sixteen to One Mine, it sometimes gets down to one man’s physical power. It also takes a well trained eye on the quartz to reckon just where you are, where you are going, and to decide where you want to be.” So true!!!! Now I don't want you to think I don't love my hubby Dale, because he's still the apple of my eye, but if I had to pick someone to spend time with at the bottom of a dark shaft, it would surely be Ernie. Take a good look in his smoldering eyes and tell me you don't feel the same way!!! !
One piece of business we do have to get out of the way today is the self nomination of Scott Namanny to the position of fan club treasurer. He feels that since his grandfather died in a gold mine in South Africa he should automatically get the position. I told him that here in America we don't have apartheid, so he's going to need to get voted in just like every other white person.
Fan Club President Pro Tem
Welcome to the Underground Gold Miners Fan Club!!!! I’m so excited to share with all of you our new 1992 Underground Gold Miners of California calendar. Attached is the cover art which I know you’re all going to love!!! It means so much to me to be able to reach out and form a virtual community of fans of underground gold miners who might one day be my friends in real life!! I can imagine a future day (in the not too distant future I hope) where we can all sit around a pizza and talk about dark dank holes filled with treasure. Until that day comes, I'm going to make it my job as president to "keep the dream alive." I’ll be sending another page of the calendar as soon as my husband Dale helps me take a photo of it. So until then, keep our brave and trusty underground gold miners in your thoughts and prayers.
Fan Club President Pro Tem